Episode 550: Monopolizing a One to One (Ask Ivan)

Synopsis Dr. Misner answers a question from a member who prefers to remain anonymous. I’m writing to ask about a situation I have noticed in several one to ones. The other person talks non-stop about their business and themselves and doesn’t ask me anything and doesn’t let me talk. After one hour or more, they say they have to run, and the meeting’s over. This has happened to me several times. I’m happy to know all about them so I can have a better idea about their business and how I can help them, but how do I let them know a little about me. I want to talk about myself. If you have any advice, please share it. Why do people do this? Oftentimes people are so focused on doing their work and trying to get referrals that they’re not thinking what their behavior is doing to others. If you’ve been encountering this problem, remember that the person that controls the agenda controls the meeting. To control the agenda, base your one to one on the GAINS exchange. * Tell the other person in advance that you’re going to bring a copy of your completed GAINS exchange and ask them to complete their GAINS exchange and bring a copy for you. * Bring a timer to the meeting, put it on the desk, and say that you want to make sure that you both get time to review the GAINS Exchange, so you’re going to you’re going to set up 30 minutes each. * Ask them whether they want to go first. Whoever starts, say “When the timer goes off, we’ll switch places.” If you do this tactfully, you look professional, you look organized, you look efficient—and it ensures you get time to talk. If the other person still manages to monopolize your one to one, ask them to make another appointment so you can talk about your business. If you’re not familiar with the GAINS Exchange, start by listening to Episode 5 and Episode 208. We talk about the GAINS Exchange a lot on this podcast. Need a copy of the GAINS Exchange form? Here you go. If you have a question for Dr. Misner, fill out the Ask Ivan form below. (If you just want to leave a comment, scroll down to the comment form.) Brought to you by the Networking for Success Channel on YouTube.   Complete Transcript of Episode 550 – Priscilla: Hello everybody and welcome back to The Official BNI podcast brought to you by the Networking For Success Channel on YouTube. Which Features Dr. Ivan Misner and many other networking experts. I’m Priscilla Rice and I’m coming to you from Live Oak Recording Studio in Berkeley, California. I’m joined on the phone today by the Founder and Chief Visionary Officer, Dr. Ivan Misner. Hello Ivan. How are you doing today? Ivan: I am fantastic, Priscilla. I appreciate it. I’ve got a question today that I’m going to be answering. I get a lot of questions from members and I try to answer as many as I can. This question was a really interesting one, she wanted to be anonymous; she didn’t want people to know who she was. But she wrote a really nice message. This is what she wrote: “Dr. Misner, I would like to thank you for creating this amazing organization. Being a part of BNI has changed my life! I feel empowered having this great network of professionals  I can refer my clients and friends and listen to your podcast everyday. I’m writing to ask about a situation I have noticed in several 1-2-1s.