Letting Go: How To Heal

Today, we are discussing letting go, how to heal. This is important because if we ever want to reach a place of peace and relaxation in our social life, dating life, career life, any area of life, then we need to actively let go of our anxieties, embarrassment, jealousy, anger, stress, fears of rejection and failure, etc. When we experience negative feelings but don’t let go and try to force them away, we become more and more self-implosive like a volcano that becomes more and more likely to erupt. This is so because we can’t avoid feelings inside of us. You can’t run away from your psychology. You can’t run from yourself. Our negative feelings are like a little child throwing a temper tantrum. In order to calm this little child down, we need to give him or her focus, love, and attention. We need to send out the positive energy that we are here and won’t go anywhere. And we will get through this. I’ve got you. It’s okay. You are strong. If we ignore a little child in distress, whatever he is experiencing will only get worse. Because not only is he scared, but has been abandoned with no love. So he feels even more fear of a loss of love and cries out in pain harder and harder. Likewise, when we ignore our negative feelings, we lash out harder and harder. This does nobody any service. People will be negatively affected. 3 Toxic Consequences Of Avoiding Negative Feelings 1. Express Negative Feelings. Eventually, we won’t be able to hold our negative feelings back because they will come out through our behavior. And we will implode. Like if the printer isn’t working, we might lash out at it with a karate chop! This type of behavior is a quick way to end relationships, careers, and friendships. 2. Suppress/repress negative feelings. When we suppress negative feelings, we consciously fight our inner pains by trying to deny and ignore them. We then feel tense, stressed, and exhausted fighting something that won’t go away. It’s like never ending torture. And the next layer of this is repression. This is when we stuff negative feelings down out of our awareness so much that we may actually create the delusion that we don’t even feel pain or negative feelings, but in reality, we do feel the pains. It’s just we are fighting the pains so hard, we really do believe we don’t even have them. This is bad news because the pain is still inside of us, growing. Now, it is that much harder to accept that we are in pain so we can work on letting pain go. This affects us way more than suppression and we feel way more tense all the time. 3. Escape negative feelings. This is when we actively pursue activities that create a rush of other pleasure oriented feelings to dilute our negative feelings. But in the end, our negative feelings come back even stronger. We can escape with drinking, smoking, sex, porn, drugs, binge-watching Netflix and binge-eating ice cream. This just creates an entirely different beast of problems that includes making really poor decisions that can ruin relationships/marriages, physically hurting other people- potentially kill them, and becoming addicted. Yikes! Really bad consequences of not letting go. So how do we let go? If avoiding them certainly doesn’t work, then the only alternative is to face our negative feelings head on. Feeling our feelings is the only way to let them go. There is no other way. We must embrace, love, accept, and be present with negative feelings in order to heal them. So how do we feel negative feelings? How To Feel Negative Feelings You feel negative feelings by tracking down where they are in your body. A lot of our fears tends to dwell in our solar plexus (region right under the chest), and lower belly. When we feel stressed and angry, our heads might become tight and our lower back may get a sting of pain. Whatever your negative feelings are, they reside in your body and not out there with circumstances and outcomes. And we can become afraid of them. Therefore, all our fears are fears of feelings inside our bodies. And the only way to let them go is through facing and feeling them. So just feel. Just feel. Stay with your feelings. Breath in and out of them. This provides the love and attention painful feelings need to relax. And meanwhile, you are increasing your capacity to love by loving your hurt feelings. Your challenge is to identify any area in your social, dating/relationship, or career life that you are avoiding out of fear, and then to feel into them to let them go. Summon your fears to your mind. Imagine the scenario you are afraid of- whether it’s rejection by someone you find attractive, being made fun of for telling a bad joke, getting criticized by a bully, or a boss getting upset at you for asking for a promotion of raise. Bring a fear that is holding you back into your awareness now and feel it. Love it. Stay with it. With time, if you can love it without wishing it gone, the pain will crest and then decrease until you reach peace on the other side. Then, you will be less held back so you can show up as your most powerful self- confident, relaxed, in control, motivated, fulfilled. Others will love your energy and your positive impact in their lives. Awesome work today. Until we speak again, you were born to be real, not to be perfect. So go out there and be who you are. I’ll talk to you soon. To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.