How To Stop Fearing Rejection Or Failure

Is a fear of rejection or failure holding you back from taking the action you want to in life? Is it holding you back from being authentic and connecting with others? Is it stopping you from making friends, getting to know someone you find attractive, or being more known and sharing more value in your career? Today I’ll be sharing the solution to the fear of rejection or failure so you can feel comfortable being who you are in any conversation talking to anyone, no matter how attractive or popular, and even if you get rejected or fail at something like messing up a joke or a sales presentation. Imagine a friend who comes to you and shares vulnerably with you that he is scared about asking someone attractive out. How would you encourage and comfort your friend? If you told him to just ignore his fear, brush off the fear, and to just go for it, is he going to be miraculously cured of his anxiety? Is he gonna go, “oh that’s how you get rid of fear- just stop feeling scared. Wow, thanks, your a life saver!”? No! That’s just as effective as saying well stop feeling scared! Don’t give that advice. It doesn’t work. That’s like saying all you have to do to not lose is not lose! Got it? Oh that easy huh? What this advice is missing is acknowledging the fear. When we tell people to just suck it up and go do what they’re scared of, we aren’t helping them because they need more than that. They need help with how to overcome fear. That’s what most people get wrong in advice. We mean well, but we just haven’t been trained very well in how to let fear go. And unfortunately, that’s how we advise ourselves as well. “C’mon, just try harder! Just get over your fear!” and we can be more brutal to ourselves, even saying- “what’s wrong with you!? Why are you so scared? You’re a pathetic loser.” So what’s the advice we need to give people who are scared? Well it’s not so much advice as it is EMPATHY. Empathy is the solution to fear of rejection or failure.  Now, imagine if instead of telling your friend to just ignore his fear, to suck it up and just go ask that attractive woman out with a pep talk where you try to pump him up without really even having a conversation about his fear, what if you empathized with him and said, “ya that can be terrifying!” And then you shared about a time you were scared to do the same thing. And then you ask him more about what he is specifically afraid of. Is it getting a weird look from her if he asks her out? Is it hearing her say no? Is it failing to tell a joke right and she doesn’t laugh or worse yet says he’s not funny? Would this be a more effective approach? Of course! When people get empathy, they get the love and attention they are looking for and then begin to channel that same energy toward the part of themselves that is scared. Empathy is love. When we give the quick advice to just go try again and just do better and be less scared this time, we are forgetting to love them in the way they need. They are scared and need help accepting that part of themselves so they can comfort their fear. Your Challenge Your challenge is to identify major situations in your social life, dating life, and career life where you are held back by a fear of rejection or failure. Maybe it’s a fear of telling a joke in a group of people, maybe it’s approaching an attractive person, maybe it’s giving a sales presentation. Whatever it is, rather than will yourself to do better- to just get over your fears, give yourself empathy. Talk to yourself in the 3rd person like “Ya, Josh, I’m so sorry you feel terrified. That is scary. And I’m here for you and no matter what happens, I won’t leave you. I won’t stop supporting you. I’ve got your back no matter what. We will get through this. Tell me more about what you’re particularly afraid of?” Empathy is the solution to fear. Awesome work! Until we speak again, you were born to be real, not to be perfect. So go out there and be who you are. I’ll talk to you soon.  To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.